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The Essay Writing Drinking Game Process

Writing college essays and papers is a difficult task. However even though it is hard you can still make it a fun time. It’s time to turn to the tactics used by literary giants like Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, Raymond Chandler, and Tennessee Williams: Alcohol. Of course, college students aren’t going to sit back with a snifter of brandy and philosophize about their literary choices. Way too boring. The simple solution is to turn writing a paper into a drinking game.

Before you start, save a copy of however much of the paper you already have written in a separate file, on a flash drive if possible. Even though you may think you are going to be inspired during the game, it’s best to keep a backup just in case. Now that you have a backup file saved, it’s time to pick your poison. You could choose a variety of alcohols and assign each rule a particular brand or type or alternatively you can keep it simple and just pick one for the entire game. It doesn’t really matter what you drink, the end result will be the same. For more fun later, turn on Track Changes in your Formatting menu and then you can follow along the next day to see how your thought process and editing changed throughout the evening.

Essay Writing Drinking Game Rules

  1. Each time you run into a 404 error looking for a source, take a drink. If you were doing it through Wikipedia, take two drinks.
  2. Every time you find yourself written into a corner, take a drink. Each time you find yourself writing in circles, take two.
  3. If you have to pronounce out loud any syllable in a word in order to spell it correctly as you type, take a drink for each syllable.
  4. If your page contains more footnotes than actual original text, take two drinks.
  5. Every time you make a single paragraph idea into two or more, take a drink and give yourself a pat on the back.
  6. Slap yourself and take a drink for each time you catch yourself playing Farmville, Candy Crush Saga, or any other silly Facebook game.
  7. Have another drink each time you realize you completely forgot what you were searching for when randomly scrolling down a page.
  8. When you find yourself in need of a friend who has a subscription to LexisNexis or JSTOR take a drink and look for any journalism majors who are online at the moment.
  9. If you find yourself calculating how many words per minute you need to write in order to finish the paper tonight, take a drink.
  10. Each time you ask yourself how big you can make the font or considering formatting changes to make your paper seem longer, take two drinks.

Bonus Shots

At the end of playing the essay writing drinking game you’ll probably be left with pages of red squiggly lines indicating spelling errors and maybe a few good ideas. If you actually managed to complete the paper during the game you have earned a bonus round of whatever premium alcohol you have in your pantry. Remember to save this version of your paper before you have a drink of water and pass out face first on the keyboard.

But wait, there’s still more fun to come! The next morning you will be eligible to play the entertaining Bonus Morning After Game! Brew up a pot of coffee and open your file from the previous evening. Re-read what you wrote and edited last night. Each time something makes you laugh out loud, take a drink of coffee. Take two each time you read something that makes you cringe. Finally, take a large gulp of coffee for any sections that are so inspired you leave them in practically as is in the final version of your essay.